You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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