another moral hangover. fuck.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
