you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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