I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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