I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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