I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
