just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
