My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
