Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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