Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
