I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
