I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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