Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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