he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
