I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
