i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
