My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
