Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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