If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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