At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
