You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
