Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
