So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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