bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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