Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
