i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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