eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
