why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
