I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
