So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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