just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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