chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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