We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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