3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
