my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
