The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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