You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
