This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
