I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
...so i touched it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
