I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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