should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
