I haven't been this sober since birth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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