maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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