dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
