Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will be naked everywhere
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
