allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
