I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
