All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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