i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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