I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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