remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
