The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
