Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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