just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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