Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
