It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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