My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
