You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
