mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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