somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
