I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
