my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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