Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
