He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
