And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
