first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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