ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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