I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I currently don't understand fingers.
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