O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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