i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want a musical about memes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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