what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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