if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize